©2018 David Morgan — 243 words
On the seventh day the Lord rested.
He thought his work couldn’t be bested.
That’s where our God fucked up.
While he was ahead, he gave up.
Omnipotence breeds complacency.
Of that, the omniscient couldn’t see.
Soon he realized his big mistake.
Adam an idiot, Eve half baked.
“Don’t touch the apple, Shit-for-Brains.”
But did it anyway and begat Cane.
“Oh my god, I can see your schlong!
Put a fig leaf on that ding dong!”
It only got worse from there, you see.
Abraham offered his son to He.
Lot’s wife, a real looker, turned to salt.
Soddom was destroyed just to halt
Angels getting their buttholes pounded.
What a world the Almighty founded.
“I’ll go down there just to observe.
See where these cretins get the nerve!”
God took human form and walked the Earth.
He experienced life for all it’s worth.
He was impressed with all man had done.
Mostly ice cream, that was number one.
“Oh, how they turn milk into such
a delightful treat. I like it much!”
Then the Lord’s tummy began to whine.
Lactose it seems is not so divine.
For six whole days the Almighty farted,
And on the seventh the good Lord sharted.
His face red with embarrassment,
His white robes stained with excrement,
The lord went home to heaven above.
Miseries of humans he now knows of.
“Why did I imbue them with eternal souls?
Next time I’ll just give them fewer holes.”
